
               Some of the poems i wrote back when i was in college ....
		
		UPDATE:  Theres some new stuff should be closer to the 
end. I dont feel compelled to write as much as i used to.  I think i may 
be evening out since the big 30.

Index:

=========================================================================

The following added 1994/09/22 19:32 by S806000
Time is that with which we measure our life and our death. Persevere..

Here be creative!
let the words fly
touch the sky
in spirit, live

write the words
words to live by
words to die by
or just give

Anyway, just give it a try ......

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/09/30 18:18 by S806000
Johnathan                                      NMU Derangements

Feeling creative
a tiny bug perches on the water
beneath swims a fish, inside is the daughter
above a man stares into the sheen
the little bug, orange and green
he stands and walks
stopping abruptly the little bug talks
your place is here with me, on the water
it's your turn to enter the slaughter
the bug started to grow
still in disbelief, into the water, he did throw
gasping drowning was the man
staring up at the little bug on the pop can

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/03 00:21 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

Feel it in your hands?
you in there Jeff?
what do you see
same as it ever was
let's look a little deeper
further, further, smaller
blow it up
same as it ever was
feel it in your legs
tired, shaky, almost numb
need some sleep,
still not tired
too many thoughts
change the color
cycle the color
it looks so organic
it is
it's all conected
and we are in the middle
it's most interesting at the edges
why? it's the meeting place
are we really ready to know?
must be time to clean house
it's almost the even

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/03 09:10 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

I am neither a thinker or a doer
I am a believer
I contend
There is nothing i could lend
To make my life newer
let me live my life as i live
'till i need more
and if it comes to the end
i've no doub't
I'll never leave her
but should i need more
i know that only i can provide
a life on the other side
Damn it Tim ....
TIM!

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/03 18:44 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

I can murder you many times
But you can feel it only once
You can tell me a thousand lies
But i will only hear the one
I know your flesh and soul
We are one and the same
There is no escape from the wirlwind
But to hide in its heart
It is not the pain we seek
Nor the hardship we bring
All of you without me
That is everthing yet nothing
Let me burn you down

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/03 19:22 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

Sin know More

Oh take me at thy will temptation
My pain is dark
And filled with greed
This torment is my need
This lamentation
That i must build this ark

In this revelation
Men, like dogs, bark
And spill precious seed
They cut, gnash and bleed
What is this creation?
This evil park

I have lived to long for deviation
And i too wear a mark
And to who will i heed?
Except my temptress greed
Can i leave this ideation?
Must I rot in the Dark?

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/04 09:21 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

No Longer

It's a shame
How i fooled them
They took the bait
The slow tired looks
The well placed ques
The probing answers
The qustions that sought their own ground
They took it, and I played it out
They ran with it ans swallowed
Or they bit down and it sank in
And i was the master
I knew where, when, why and how
Hook, line and sinker
A simple fisher
And they thought i was a thinker

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/10 01:05 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

Looking beyond
--------------
fish in the lake, fish in the brook
if only i could see your world and you mine
without sme kind of hook


Praising poems
--------------
poems are not to be taken lightly
for each carries a message, however slightly
For some read one a week or more
A need to stay in the water or swim to shore
some we ador
others we abhor
some are short and to the point
while others are long and contort
poems can admire
most of all though they can inspire


MEDIOCRITY
----------
idle hands
build idle lands
idle minds
make idle finds
idle engines
make more pollution


Fallen Stars, Fallen Angels
---------------------------
have you ever wished upon a star
have you ever had a dream that wouldn't let go
have you ever wished for what you didn't know
... ever whished to go so far
have you ever wished to be the lead in the show
have you ever prayed to the gods, any god
to be redeemed
have you everjust (tried to) let go
to go, ... oh ... so far away
have you ever stayed up all night
praying, wishing, counting light
just waiting, thinking, needing to make it right
to walk the water
have you ever felt the fear
have you ever brought it so near
so near you could touch time
billions upon billions of souls
and seen me there

have you ever felt the fire and not been burned
have you ever gone halfway and turned
have you ever listened and not learned
ask why and none will know
ask who and somone else will
or no one can
ask when and be avoided
ask where and it's everywhere
make your choices in good faith
purpose is where you seek it


Ray (the past is, was and always will be, get on with it--learn) Bush

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/15 00:17 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

The meaning o' life
---------------------------
She turns me on
In the morning sun
Then there's more

Having her way with me
Every day and it's ok
Revelry, just her and me
Each day is new

And when it's over it's still new
Nothing more or less
Damned if i don't

Wait and she truns me over
Anything goes, everything shows
It aint over 'till it's over me
Twice the beginning and half the end

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/15 13:21 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

give me a while,  i'm trying
it takes time to write
vexing takes time to make right
Especially, i'm not one for lying

so we all just have to wait
and when the spirit moves
I only hope she shines
not black as night

let it heal and grow again
oak bends when it's young
vulcanization hardens the rubber
everything has a purpose

Never forget to learn
order exists even in chaos
there it is the rule

in the meadow grows a tree
look there you might see me
looking back at you
under the shade, on the rocks
so walk with me
in the tall grass and flowers
or sit and watch the time go by
nothing is out of place here

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/17 23:42 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

The never ending ....
--------------------------------------

Through her eyes i see the beauty
In her soul i see the horror
I feel the emptyness i cannot fill
The tears i cannot wash away
Not even the blood of my soul
So alone in this sin
Share with me, care with me
Just go around, or jump over
Or take this hammer and chissel
something to believe in, again

The leaves fell last night
the rain fell, and it was cold
a carpet of yellow and orange
fine structures revealed
coffee and me, smoke rising
The sound of the rain
It fills the valley
The air is cold on my skin
warm to the touch
this is not really happening
Just feel, live, relive, give

so surreal, the strawberry mists
thought it was a good solution
no reason taken for why
no strings no fancy things
simple, complex, such a mess
the man thinks he knows so much
and she knows, know more
where the key hangs
in his mind, another song
of the day

built it up from nothing
put your heart and soul in
It gave no return but to be
not that you ever asked
or that it was even in your grasp
you played for me
i killed the monsters in your closet
and you played for me
feel the words, i should have

=========================================================================
The following added 1994/10/24 11:08 by S806000
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

edge of the see
-----------------
the word forms a wave
in the phrase it grows
and by sentence it pounds
upon my soul
in verse it weakens
in voice it gains
strength and amplitude
resounding behind the music
the word forms a wave
and washes over me
cleanses me
it darkens itself about me
with no mistake
washing away smoldering ashes
of once bright fires
a symphony
to leave behind
my eyes

=======================================================WED OCT 19, 1994 14.16.07
Date:        Wed, 19 Oct 94 14:36:39 EST
From:        Ray Bush <S806@NMU.EDU>


I'VE A HOLLOW PLACE IN MY HEART
IT HOLDS NO TRAIN OF THOUGHT
NO WONDROUS TREASURES OR ART
IT IS THE PLACE WHERE EVIL IS CAUGHT
THE MADNESS THAT I HAVE FOUGHT

HERE LIVES ALADDIN AND HIS LAMP
THE TREE AND THE MEADOW
THE BROOK OF MADNESS
HERE THERE ARE NO MORE WISHES
THERE ARE ONLY THINGS TO BE KNOWN

I HAVE BEEN THROWN
DAMMNED THE BROOK
HID THE MADNESS
IT SEEPS THROUGH THE HOLES
PISSED INTO THE WIND
ONLY TO HAVE IT COME BACK TO ME

YOU KNOW ONLY WHAT YOU SEE
ARE YOU READY TO KNOW
ARE YOU READY TO SEE
TO STARE AT NOTHING
CALL MY NAME
LET ME DIE

I AM FOUNDATIONS EDGE
HERE MEETS THE WATERS OF THE SEE
OF KNOWLEDGE WITHOUT POWER
WITHOUT, DEATH WITHOUT LIFE
DOWN IN A HOLE, JUST PIECES

=======================================================MON OCT 24, 1994 10.16.14
Message-Id:  <20OCT94.22853503.0037.MUSIC@NMU.EDU>
Date:        Thu, 20 Oct 94 21:09:38 EST
From:        Ray Bush <S806@NMU.EDU>

Curt Intolerance
-----------------
Insane rage
It seizes me
It's like a disease in me
Often in periods of remission
Back at the turn of a page
I've completed most of the mission
I'm still in this insane cage
A world so static, it's not free
If you grow to fast your cancer to them
If your too different in some way
Cut it out before it spreads
Better burn out, before you fade away

Fasting With Johnnie
---------------------
Into the night
my mind weaving a tapestry of it's own destruction
My senses are decieved
I feel the hunger
I want to feel alive
For now i waste away
Hunger knawing at my gut
It'll be good for me
If i survive and why shouldn't I
I'll be strong and not as fat
The pain makes me irritable
The lack of nourishment makes me tired
The heat of it makes me uncomfortable
Of all i must escape the heat
I must concentrate on the darkness
The darkness within
Hide, sleep, occupy my time
My time will come again
All will be well
Or all will not be

Metal God
----------
A metal god walks these sands of time
Her, here, on the beach he finds
A raw stone, a crystal, crime
Know he has no feeing
no rythm, no rhyme
You can't hear him
But you can see his steps
Fear him
Know that you do not belong
You are a crime
Walking where no real men walk
Talking where all sight and sound are one
All you can smell is the acid of the sea
He is the last and lives on
He has conquered, he is God
Of all you survey
Trapped in a land of creation
Alone is the metal frame
His mind rusted
Limbs tarnished by the emptyness of your death
Now he is truly alone

MEDIOCRITY
-----------
Idle hands,
Build idle lands,
Idle minds,
Make idle finds,
Idle engines,
Make pollution.

Labrinth of No pain
--------------------
You will know my anger
My fears, my dreams, my tears
You will know what burns and seers
My heart disintegrates, my soul wanders
In the labrinth there are no tears
No fears, no dreams, no pain
You will know my anger
You will never feel what i feel
I'm leaving, no decieving
Fight me, come on, fight me
I'll kill all three, maybe more
You never loved so free

ExodUS (simple as that)
------------------------
Eyes of fortune
Eyes of fire
Keep me warm at night
Burning bright
I'm wrong, but i'm right
In the end I'll win
Free from sin
Exit Knight

To be it all
Takes me higher
Blacken the light
And keep it cool
What a sight
A mad man has nothing to lose
And what of the sane
And what of the burden of sin
It's all the same
Exit night

=======================================================MON OCT 24, 1994 11.25.03
Message-Id:  <21OCT94.21287280.0042.MUSIC@NMU.EDU>
Date:        Fri, 21 Oct 94 19:42:37 EST
From:        Ray Bush <S806@NMU.EDU>

The Fly (10-21-94/6:53)
---------
Got home just in time for you
time to come a live
a crystal, cane walkin again
come to far, so dear
walk it far, walk it near
through the rain
I'll be fear
you can be nothing
you got a head like a hole
remix my drink
I wanna sink, so
sink into me
Just one more goodbye

=======================================================MON OCT 24, 1994 17.48.46
Message-Id:  <23OCT94.00995873.0073.MUSIC@NMU.EDU>
Date:        Sun, 23 Oct 94 00:55:19 EST
From:        Ray Bush <S806@NMU.EDU>

Nonsense

In the begining there was pure will
and from will flowed choice
and with choice came action
and with action came destruction
and destructon was reality
and possibilities collapsed
and reality was one
and one was the choice
there was no paradox
yet, there was no continuity
there was passage

At the dying edge
there was will
becoming ever thinner
with more possibilities than choices
'till there were no more choices
and the debt ran up
action continued behind the back of will
and destruction came swiftly
and reality collapsed
yet reality was one
reality was nothing
there was no paradox
yet, there was no continuity
there was no time for that
nonsense
followed choice
and with choice came action
and with action came reaction
and reality collapsed
yet reality was one
reality was nothing
there was no paradox

=======================================================MON OCT 24, 1994 17.48.48
Message-Id:  <23OCT94.23661591.0031.MUSIC@NMU.EDU>
Date:        Sun, 23 Oct 94 21:54:31 EST
From:        Ray Bush <S806@NMU.EDU>

fuck in the acid
-----------------
she's got her dyke boots on
all black and shinny
she's lookin mighty fine
she don't know it
but she's turnin me on
the way she smokes
god that turns me hot
we all know she's high
and mighty fine
just she's not my kind
she's got dyke boots on
all black and shinny

Shay's rebellion
-----------------
I feel her in my hands
mother, i feel the sand
bitin my skin
no stars in this sky
not much left of her
not till it's your turn
to carry the weight
but everthing's all right
everythings gonna be just fine
a little further to the sidewalk
stinging cold and sweat
i am no more
aching, tired, dying inside
feel her arms reachin out to hold me
lightning is my sign
to stand on the end
of time

No more pain
-------------
darken the light
come a lil closer to me
are you all right
i cry to god in the night
and he sets me on this day
that i will what i may
she takes my hand
we park near a church
cause it seems right
to take her pain
and we sleep
forever

Just Five Hours
-----------------
where with when the salt has lost it's favor
where is the flavor i mind to be
you say i know what i do, so do you
you say i must hate you, then believe in me
i say that i love you, then you must be right
come on, take a chance with me
we'll go anywhere you like
heaven or hell, or even farther
make love to me

Death Rattle   (10-26-94)
---------
Overwhelming silence fills the air
Steam rising from my waste
my nakedness must be a sight
but it falls on blind eyes
My skin crawls at the breeze
Time to go back inside
where it's warm and safe
inside is the place for me
i know i'm done
because that's what i want


Having awaken
he fills the nights
thoughts of happiness
angry fights
walks in the park
walks in the dark
a day in the valley below
a day, a day in my meadow

flying high
flying low
there is nothing
I do not know
the knowledge
I use
It's what i can't abuse
ride with me
heaven and hell await
this to all
I can tell

Walk with me
hold my hand
never board
never bland
kiss me
keep me near
from me
Nothing can take you
from you
nothing can keep me
this is the choice
nothing more
of being free
nothing more of me


smile for me
walk on by
let me see
come on back
sly, sly
do it again, and again
it's the only thing about you
that's free
come on child
I know
i know you're wild


Date:        Tue, 21 Mar 95 13:12:55 EST
From: Ray Bush <S806@NMU.EDU> To: <jonathan@scam.acs.nmu.edu>
X-Mailer: MUSIC/SP V3.1.1
Status: RO
X-Status:
Johnathan                          NMU Derangements

Here we go again
another semester
sucking you down
with the undertow

sucking you down
into the mud
into the festered rain
taking all you know
this is the UNDERTOW

A domain of fools
and theives
stealing time, form
wasting the work day
breaking sensless rules

Here we go again
off into the insane
beating our breasts
screaming, fighting
in form nation

we build we destroy
we ask why, and we know
we try and so we go
off into the sensless
into the realm of tools

Yea, yeah whatever man ... just post some bloody stuf k ....

=========================================================================
The following added 1995/01/31 13:53 by S806000
Johnathan                          Cyberia


 My soul is a madman
 That walks through deserts
 With answers to questions
 That have not yet been asked


+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-|-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
|        Ray Bush                   |  Northern Michigan University   |
|    E-mail S806@NMU.EDU            |           The Meadow            |
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-|-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

                    Out chasing rails on ...


         o O O O O O O . ______  _____________  _____=======___  
       o      _____      |   ||  |           |   |            |
     .][__n_n_|DD[  =====|   || | The Crazy   | |   Train      | 
  >(________|__|_[__________ ]|__|___________|___|____________| 
 /oo OOOOO oo`  ooo   ooo        'o^o^o  o^o^o`   'o^o   o^o` 
=================================================================
=================================================================

=================================================================
The following added 1995/02/02 20:09 by S806000
Johnathan                          Cyberia

Another day  falls by


time grows
its immensety envelops all
slowly eating away all
time flows
occasionally leaping by

not when we want it to
no not when we want it to
then it can only drag
feet in the mud
the mud of our minds
and we sit
we type we wright and we wait
for time to pass us by

stagering slipping dreaming
dreaming of reality
reality
relativity
subjectivity
perceptions
interrjections
all coming, going our way

always in my grasp always
yet you manage to slip away
how do you do this
you know
how do you do these things
there all mine
heaven
hell
life
death

you talk
to me, to yourself
reflections on a past we never had
in our sleep
in our sleep
the truth spirals out
our mouths spewing forth
the abominations that we are
and thank our god, our nothing
for the locks on our doors

The god who walks with me
the god who hears my plea
my god
he is nothing
nothing to me
he grants me the life to hate
a tool of exquisite pain
and in the summer
in the summer of my life
the coldest wind blows
and she chills me
where then is my god who then can warm my soul

(4-19-91)

=================================================================
The following added 1995/02/07 00:39 by S806000
Johnathan                          Cyberia

is there anyone out there
walking scarlet rodes
is there any warmth in the dark
i cannot see your radience
so come closer to me
you can, write to me
let me feel the years
let me see through the tears
a rainbow in the dark
in the dark it seems so cold

I know your out there
i know you wanna post
somethin you can hang on
somewhere to aim
just a sparc in the chaff
to light the way
that's what you say
but the flames are gonna burn
right through your soul
and your gonna know
my love for you

=================================================================
The following added 1995/03/01 10:21 by S806000
Johnathan                          Cyberia

stupid people bother me
some days i just with they'd die
others i want to make them cry
make them pay for their sin
they even know they'll never win
so often i've seen them
out on a limb, on a power trip
out there giving me lip
lip that i just want to smack
they are always looking for a freebe
a quick way to get high
no matter how many times you say
"ahem, AHEM" and clear your throat
they are right there looking
to make you thier scape goat
fuckem i say ... it's time to learn
get your own goddamn education or burn

=================================================================
The following added 1995/03/19 00:32 by S806000
Johnathan                          Cyberia

who's there
------------
a fresh face
i smile at the waste
coulda been me
walkin by
but not you
keep on talkin
i like the sound
makes me focus
one more day
tighten the locus
we'll see
what it takes
see what it makes
for a fresh face
i like the sound
of one more
one way
to the door
i'm levin'
it's no use beleivin'
in hot air

=================================================================
The following added 1995/03/20 05:36 by S806000
Johnathan                          Cyberia

adultress' mote

are ya ready
ta backout, blackout
walk outta my life
never look back
just leave another
another, another
empty whole
are ya gonna roll
roll your eyes
when i walk by
why, just wanna know why
what ya gonna do
what ya gonna try
move on down the line
down the lie
ya ever gonna be true
who ya gonna be
what ya gonna be
without me
when ya won't see
what's in your eyes
more lies

=================================================================
The following added 1995/03/20 15:37 by S806000
Johnathan                          Cyberia

Whight noise

the static of your thoughts
ever changing rhymes
flowing through times
good and evil
i followed what you brought
tried to kill
tried not to spill
what i ought
the noise obscures
what you've wrought
and further blurrs
till you have no thought
and no poise


WHAT DO YOU WANT
What do you want me to be
It's a matter of illusion
Mistress of pain
Tell me let me know
let me know
let me train
who am i
and what do you see
accept this
i am free
 (4-21-91)


Carry the fire
the torch of light
through the darkness
Light the harbor at night
Start the pyre
the flesh burning
through the light
through the night
the scent on the water
scense on the water
nausiating
but right
Dust in the wind of the night

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/03/25 05:05 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

On velvet pillows
i can see you nestled
your unkept hair weaping like willows
my mind bellows yet my mouth cannot follow
i see you nestled there
i reach out to you
I am as ether
you are shy of my touch
you tell me you care
my mind bellows yet my mouth cannot follow
i see you nestled there
i reach out to you
I am as ether
you are shy of my touch
you tell me you care
my mind will not allow
where you lead i cannot follow
i cannot reap your sorrow
that does not leave much
now i borrow
day's
minutes
seconds

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/03/27 02:55 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

i'd rather talk on the phone
it's the only way to get you alone
it's easier that way
it helps me believe
it helps me decieve myself
when you answer me
so true
i can't hear you
over the voices in my head
they keep telling me
I'M ALREADY DEAD

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/04/13 20:13 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

the night moves on
arm in arm, warmth is comfort
my thoughts are censured
my actions controlled
she moves me
in ways that suggest
and when i ask she says nothing
nothing is on her mind
so i move on with the night
searching for my limit

i wonder what moves
what part of me
that she sees
is worth this time
her thoughts are empty
yet she moves me
nothing is as i suspect
but there are limits
and i learn
for her to enjoy
that would be wrong


lost


================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/05/04 21:06 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

civility

wont do
wont you
wont you forget about me
you know these memories
these memories are lies
your smiling eyes
so defensless
walk away
walk away from me
wont you, be true
wont you forget about me
wont you break these ties
smiling eyes
these memories are only lies

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/05/06 20:44 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

White lines streach across in front of me
a burning yearning from within
a soul ready to explode into the night
seems like one more hit
would just make it right
but just then i sneezed, SHIT !
and blew away my hopes and dreams
for the moment ... i reflect
i was too far up and too far down
never was i in the middle
in the thick of my passion
i was on the edge of nothing
i was completely free
do to the right things
i never commanded the respect
to move around as i please
rather sit and fiddle
up in some grand tree
waiting to grow wings
... time ta jump ...

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/05/09 22:19 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

as smoothe as silk
yet it burns in my mind
no i will not do this
my words fail to say
I love you...

Just words ...
but what are words
that we master them
what more could i say
even with a kiss
when you cannot hear
when you hiss
go away ...

and the trap is as i say
in my mind two of a kind
my spirit moves you
you know you like
you know you remember
you know you doubt
i am the land of confusion
i am the rift in your soul
torn away

the pieces never fit
so tightly
as when they were
made together
as one

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/05/10 14:54 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

I'll find a way
i'll learn, i'll do
i'll be, and you will see
noempty threats
no empty words
no empty actions
i am my word
my word is my sword
my actions the balance
given as a single thread
i will be, and you will see
noempty threats
no empty words
no empty actions
i am my word
my word is my sword
my actions the balance
given as a single thread
i will be
you will learn
freedom,
love

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/05/13 00:00 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

i dont want your sympathy
i could care less for your respect
my wish is for you to know
how does it feel
watching everything
how does it feel
you taken everything
and now i've got to go
you are the one thing i detest
you weren't like all the rest
i want your mind to reel
i want you to learn how to feel
when i've taken everything
except your sypathy
to rot in hell
with me

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/05/18 15:27 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

hate is the hole in my heart
the whole that i fill with you
my heart beats' still
i wish you will
feel my dart
before it kills you

rhythym of will
taking me still
where i can touch god
beating him down
taking the crown
i am the art

standing tall
walking with hate
malice, pain and fear
me, i am will
i am the breath of life
you i will kill

================================================================================
>:::The following added 1995/06/03 03:52 by S806000
>:: Johnathan                          Cyberia

spud in the ice
---------------

i alone am hate
i fill your soul
bitter bile in your mouth
to speak of me
you remember the taste
i am reprobate
sin in disguise
i feel for you
because i am whole
i alone am hate

my body is the temple of hate
i spit on you
you defalcate
you are a defesance of all
your words are defecation
in you i find hope
that you might die
that peace might come
that your rotting corspe
could somehow
feed flowers

but alas you fill me
and i am full
to the brink
and bursting at the seem
with your vile thoughts
i am evil because i choose
not to follow
is to be alone
so i will perish
i spite you
hate

DESTRUCTO  May 13 00:29

i am the God that you seek
i am the leader of the weak
that wich makes the strong bend
that wich makes an end
to the misery of the ages
i am he that teaches sages
i am the berzerkers blind rages
there are none before me
there are none that follow freely
i am the tree
knowledge indescrete
i know your passions
i know your factions
i know how to repeat
that wich you see
only in your minds eye
i am the blue sky
fluffy white clouds
like pillows where i rest my head
i am the path back from the dead
i remove shrouds
and take away the lie
that so long we believed
in the webs we weaved
i love you

LEADME  Apr 17 16:54
facades
blades
grass swaying to and frow
one step
walk on by
i dont want to know
friends, no
too much built up
too much has to go
the memory fades
i thank God
only he knows
where my mind goes
that i try
forget?
easily done
for you
i was one of two
just havin fun
i thank God
only he knows
where my mind goes
that i try
forget?
easily done
for you
i was one of two
just havin fun
no not me
too much mean
too much meaning
i feel loss where
there is none
read the lines
as two
or as one
doesnt matter
it's all there
too much mean
too much meaning
i feel loss where
there is none
read the lines
as two
or as one
doesnt matter
it's all there
for even the blind
to see
would be a feat
in itself

Thu, 25 Mar 1999 17:54:09 -0500

Blind Faith
-----------------

And though this winter wind blows
Biting at my ears face
i continue on the mad race
Just to see wher she goes
to see where i land
because nobody knows
what's in God's hand

John 1:1 (http://www.cforc.com/kjv/John/1.html)
-------------------
'Tis I that make you sick
of mind and heart and body
I drain your soul like a wick
my attemps are shoddy
to make you stick

Riddles fill my mind
and i think of two
to which end
will it be through
and of which kind

I have not the energy to think
that there could be more
and i close my door
before i am on the brink
and the destruction at the core

these programs i write
i write for you
it is not right
though i am not through
i will not fight
what must come true

prohesies fullfill
the words that be
the force of will
and the fate of three
i am still
in love with thee

Fri, 26 Mar 1999 18:50:02 -0500
pink seting sun (last words only)
------------
For those that wait
the time slips by
with the swing of the gate
the doors close
and we wonder why
yet nobody knows
when i cry

nobody hears silent cries
the pointless life that i took
the vacant eyes
a searcing soul
the dirty look
the single goal
a single nook

for those that sit
time moves on
with clever wit
that was so tough
to carry on
not had enough
on

              
Thu, 01 Apr 1999 00:31:54 -0500

Once in a blue moon
---------------------

I long for your touch
to remember the curve of your ear
to watch you breat h
to feel you near

some things are too much
and remembrances fade
and days move on
this man on a crutch

i remeber when
everything was new
and we were
a pair, now and then

Through this closed door
I am able to talk
in words or pain
as it was before

there's always tomarrow
it's not over yet
nights alone
and new sorrow

If that be, or not be
things of hope
things of faith
not a question, for me

For coded in rhyme
and without delay
I must sleep
I am past my time

Thu, 01 Apr 1999 12:29:08 -0500

crypt key 1024 bites
------------------
The flesh that seeks
a mind of meld
with pain and torment
a rotting corpse
of things once held
so dear, it reeks
it is very old
this raging foment
of things beheld
below the moment


~ Mon Apr  5 22:26:49 EDT 1999

Therapy
-------------

Always i think 
there is all
or there is nothing 
but never 
too much

It would 
that it be
so easy 
to see the mote
in my eye 
from afar

theres this thread
i can hold 
and a tree
in a meadow
of life and bounty
and beauty to see

It's not so easy 
to se the mote 
at the center 
of the iris
from afar

not from within
not from without
this mote in my eye
this muddy water
streaming my face
my mind

anguish and pain
of searing flesh
and falling rain
falling to a riddle
a rhyme 
eating time

Here i sit waiting 
below my skin
for a birth
from within
that connot be
I am lost in me

Where would you be
that i cannot see
beyond the coals
of mine own goals
to live to be
to feel free

there once was 
a time of new
and i could feel
that it was you
and inside i knew
what was true

It is not love 
not this wich makes
not love which takes
my blood 
my fire 
and thirst

but this emptiness
of knowing the whole
the hole within
that places
duress
and sin

Tue Apr  6 23:59:34 EDT 1999  
Darkness
--------------------
the light has gone out
all pales before me
a steady humm 
that come from without
the things i can see
I feel nothing, numb

safe and quiet
hearing nothing
feeling less
wating to buy it
feeling nothing
i am so dumb

sleep comes 
and here i sit
my voice silent
my mind empty
waiting for a hit
another blow

the wind rages
outside my window
cold that shakes
to the soul
cold that rakes
without a goal

the weather is fair
a game of choice
to rain on all
with one voice
without care
without call

lost in emotion 
cannot feel
lost in the notion
of what is real
lost in motion
like bands of steel

writing words 
of hope and faith
of things to fail
the holy wraith
under this veil
and shroud of hail

peling my mind
my empty heart
so like it's kind
an unholy art
i peel the rhind
here i find

what once was me
thing to feel
that should not be
that are not real
not for me

I am no more 
i have given my soul
and have lost
i am tired and sore
weary of the cost
and blood and gore

this cannot be
which is me
and so i write
the horrid score
to be played
i am such a whore

entertaining my kind
with tales amour
and things to find
behind this door
so i write

Nothing more
of emotion
or what's in store
for as the wind
i cannot tell
what it's for

my god my god
i am open before
it is odd
that you abhor
that i ask 
for more

as all before
i am lost 
standing shaking
at the door
waiting
for

Thu Apr  8 18:28:41 EDT 1999

mirror image of hope
---------<-------<--------<------<(@
Had a little chat with god today
no answers or revelations
he listens and i talk
to the wind to the sky, the dirt
myself, and the emtyness
Draw a little smoke
a little hope 
from the depths 
walk on back up the stairs
I know what waits there
more bugs more errs

I know the way 
almost a hundred times now
to make my own revelations
my own answers
to talk and listen
to the wind, the sky 
the dirt and myself
to fill the ditch 
draw a little smoke
a little hope
from the waters
climb the stairs
i know where to wait
for my heirs

This is when god speaks
the word was 
and the word was god
when the world was new
and the emtiness was old
things grew 
and from the void
the void that seeks
a voice to speak
i love you

                            
Tue, 13 Apr 1999 11:16:51 -0400

Gifts
-------------
You're important to me
take this and do what you must
I know nothing is free
so for it you must work
you must learn
you must keep away the dust
and with it earn
respect and trust
in yourself and me

Tue, 13 Apr 1999 18:21:11 -0400

With Me?
--------------------
will you be there 
later tonight, 
yes i care
i know what's right
as in on chat, etc?  
you can place your bets
i was out
as long as there was light
yesterday without sleep 
drank tee to make it right

took a sick day 
and laid low.  
glad your in a better way
and not dragging in tow
still have a throaty, raspy 
"i've been smoking for 40 years" 
remeber the tears

voice in the wilderness 
that's a choice
starting to feel marginally
heterrogenously
better.  
the robitussen 

the drug of choice
is allowing me to start 
hacking stuff up
putting back together
Filling my cup
the feelings in my heart

isntead of coughing 
and choking on my dime 
I am offering
not a teather
but a chime

all of the time.
it rains on leather
on a deaf ear
I love you
my crime 
I have recovered 
from the drive
there can be only two

Sun Apr 18 16:38:39 EDT 1999

In The Image of Stone
----------------------

Your sun shines through 
this mass of gray
I live for you
I pass this way

Can you seize
the flowers
the trees
glass towers

We live in the meat
on warm and cold days
trying to defeat
nature's ways

Air conditioning
furnaces of coal
electricity humming
to our goal

higher each day
we build to the stars
only to fall on the way
and break like jars

To be swept 
as ashes from the ruin
dust to be kept
or scattered the month of June

Tue Apr 20 19:50:37 EDT 1999

virtually
--------------------
i smoke that smoke 
net that net
i hesitate to navigate
as no home is home

i crawl to my task
digest my hours, 
my days with pints
the necter of odds

I shake with rage 
i spit at the gods
for taking the fluff
for setting me free

with dreams of camp
of women and lust
now screams of other things
i must trust

i crawl to my apartment
my allotment of dust
wet and saggy 
in this dry crust

                            
Tue, 20 Apr 1999 19:16:59 -0400

singular comparison axiom
---------------------------
something is better than nothing
therefore everyting must be better
unless perhaps 
everything is nothing 
and all things are equal


Dec 31  2002 

A new identity
-----------------
time to reinvent the heel
now that i've learned to feel
harden the heart, cloth the soul
time to set a new goal

who do you see
you see what's let be
took my punches it's time to roll
set myself free

archae mocks today
been there in every way
every time it takes it's toll
time to play

simplicity
duplicity
droll
implicity

So long, Too bad 11:17pm 6/8/2
--------------------------------
So I ask why
But I know why
So I do what I want
I wait here in mis-belief
Waiting for you, I cry
Not for me, for why
What could have been
What should have been
So I ask why
Sometimes I try
So I do what I want
I wait here in disbelief
Locked up inside
With truth and sin
With the answers I die
Every day
Without you

With demons I sing
Of seas and distant things
The great escape
Molded in clay
Idols anchoring me
In this drug induced frenzy
I can only see
The haze before me
Pales to the day
Fades out the rape
Taking me away on wings
With the demons I sing
Every day to live
Like the first
Like the last
But forever to the middle
Striving for mediocrity
That keeps us in escape
From this life
Life of rape

Flew too close
And the freedom burns
Numb like ice
But this is what I chose
To follow the turns
Down a winding path
Leading love astray
Apathy decides
Where do I hide
Oh where do I hide
From god
If he lives
On the inside
Tearing down the walls
Of my lies
My love

may12-1-20am

A dark rank smell
arises from the soil
an empty shell
with no mortal coil
i wake for the mourning
with bean and brew
another day through
my private hell

Another light
smoke rises
dark damp cold
summer has to arrive
even from this night
i draw on the fire
feeling old
not right

it is spring
the winter is past
closed and aghast
what is this thing
a seed that grows
to crack stone
is nothing to last

down deep in the earth
roots grow awaiting birth
above the storm blows
water seeps and flows
connecting with mirth
the fire of life


iterates, proliferates
pattern and procedure
a dance to the death
rebirth

There ain't no cherios in a box of cornflakes ....


Potatoe man 3/3/04 10:23

one potatoe two potatoe
dont cut them with the hoe
furrrow furrow furrow
move the earth 
they will grow

one potatoe or two potatoe
chop, chop, slice and throw
into the frier you go
golden crispy french fry
my favorite golden potatoe

On the couch you know
eating my fried potatoe
flipping channels to and frow
i'm so stuffed now
one crispy stick to go

Betsie 

(note: below verse is from 
If your were coming in the fall 
by Emily Dickinson which was sent 
to me by Betsie)

If certain when this life was out
That yours and mine should be
I'd toss life yonder like a rind
And taste eternity.


Ray 
(Forever My Love 04/08/04 11::58)

And If certain to be nevermore
Having tasted what eternity could be 
i'd live to the end of our kind
With ye for ever more

The first day, and more (04/14/04 11:38am)
(Inspired by The First Day by Christina 
Rossetti sent to me by Betsie)

I remember the first day
the first hour, the moment of our meeting
as bright as your eyes
against the missing summer sun
recorded forever in a meal
bounded by endless conversation
a meeting to blossom 
with the fragrances of apples

My eyes opened by a long commune
walking and observing
teasing naturally 
with nature and parched lips
It seemed as any other day 
Slipping into night 
And unexpected passions
my love turned
returned

More Inhuman (7-21v1,22v2-2004 3:12v1,9:28v2)

Intolerable sufering for you
choked on clotting blood and urine
stench of dead sulfurous everything
I save this place for you a whole wing
i've tired of the ways your untrue
feces where there should be brain
common sense was never so common
Intolerable suffering i reserve to

this price is worth its weight through and through
and this thought will burn in enduring 
that i did what you needed yet you fling 
what i have done with this thing
you destroy and  misconstrue
and now i will stop, refrain
from furthering your mammon
Intolerable suffering i reserve to do

Icy numb 
-----------
10(Oct)/12/2006 3:44 am

my mind stumbles in the dark of the early mourn
my fingers numb to the touch of the keys
my eyes cannot linger long without fading
my sight dimming to white unseen things
screams of cold white pain
I want to shiver but it never comes
the warmth never comes to me
winter has descended
on the meadow
i sleep

I choose  
--------
to live this way
to die this day
believing nothing but might
believing nothing is right

i choose pain
i choose cold rain
to numb my soul
this is my role

to shut my brain
with herbs and grain
to find a dark hole
having no goal

this is my day
this is my way
you cannot see
you cannot be

there can be no light
there can be no right
in this mess
of darkness 

there can be no other way
the time has passed to say
i can tell we are though
still i love you

you do not see
i do not know me
in darkness sleeps
in darkness weaps

my reeling mind
no thread to find
i choose
to lose

what was free
what will be
all that moves
all that proves

is for me
under a sea
unfathomably lost
in the cost

Man out of Balance

Man out of Balance 11/13/2006
-----------------------
Its like a bad dream 
goin down in the city tonight
not just another scream
mixed in the mist
a hazy pink cream
Its like a bad dream
in the city of delight

hard-hat 11/26/07

-------------
I can feel no thing
No earth, No sun
Only what i bring
Ever loving fun

wait, in a wink
further in a blink
i try hard to think
the waves link

Matters are cooling down
spreading from the heart
The words i've found
true from the start

I can see from the birth 
how it all ends
a universe of mirth
a land of friends.

Not on the edge, but to the middle
Only love can heal
Love is such a riddle
Once more i set my mind to feel

The universe is reborn, i am part of that
Because love is under your hat

wandering (unfinished)

A whimsical day
The sound of music
A wimsical way 
Wandering in kind
give me a sign

Everlasting and others

Tue Apr 14 01:34:06 EDT 2009
 
Everlasting 
-----------------------------    
Another time and another life
our souls danced in the flames
going seperate paths in the darkness
for a few trees to block the light
our torches all but disappeared
to find eachother again we could
light the hills, the trees
burn it all to the ground 
the last tinder leaving darkness
darkness in which we grope
we are so far away now
but on the morning horizon
I see the glow of distant fire
in the night its reflection seeks me
through the ages waxing and waneing
until the two shall be one again
bathed in cleansing fire
of communion



a piece
-----------------
Darkness
the asinthe of light
poisoning the soul
eternal carnation
damnation 
burning cold
vaporous heat
unending wrath
without sleep
wailing, screams
my soul cries out
for darkness


statistic
-------------
Against the odds
I wrestle with god
against myself even
the foe that knows me well
better than i show
atacking the mind 
killing the body
with wishes
for a beginning
to an end

Wondering
----------
hot sweat pours from my brow
my bones ache and scream
but i type what i must
hunger knaws at my gut 
but i have eaten
I am thirsty
but i have drank
my head reals in a deluge
pain that only goes away 
log enough to know it is there
motion emotion emoticons
i have nothing
i am nothing
i am all
lost

strike a vein
----------------
entranced by vain imaginations
escape so real it may be a dream
walking without purpose 
driving without a destination
the end comes for all
but none are ready 
i was once ready 
now i feel
now i fear
now i hear 
louder is the call 
to bare my soul
at the feet of swine
to cast my lot
and live among the dead
to live as the dead
like a pillar of salt

short wine

Thursday, June 04, 2009, 12:01:21 AM
---------------------------
How could you say forever
you told me all the lies
i wanted to hear 
you told me we would never 
i wanted you near
i wanted to beleive
you were my lover
everything i despise
comes back to me 
you leave me no reprise
ever never ever
be here again
in my head are the cries
how could you 
how could you say forever
its time to leave

Shit stain

Wednesday, June 10, 2009, 5:52:00 PM
----------------------------
In deepest darkest hate
i sit and wait
i will learn your habbit
when you get a swing in your gait
i will grab it
i will slam it to the floor 
i will push you out the door
its your deepest darkest fate
me to taunt you 
to deprive you 
of your hearts desire
to burn you alive
then drench you with salt 
when your on fire
when you think of hope
you will know me
you will know what i have taken
in deepest darkest hate
you fucking reprobate

Island man

Monday, October 20, 2008 8:35 AM 

	
Island man	
------------------------
In a life thats lost
somewhere in a dream
drifting in the sea
lost sight of the shore

somewhere in between
waves that tossed
wanted to scream
here was free
the winds tore

no care for the cost
it did not seem
time passed
so far away
to be

lost you see
somewhere in between
washed ashore
in a dream.

 
Copyright:  Ray Bush
 
Copyright references: 
 1, 
 2,  
 3,  
 4,
 5